what is everything coming to? insanity? is that all life is?
lonely moments. doubting my own self-worth. wishing i could hold her in my arms.
music seems to be my only therapy. cigarettes only cancel out the boredom. boredom stemming from months of nothing stimulating my intellect.
i have seen life move at its fastest. now it barely creeps.
i need to make something happen. but i don’t. i end up at the cafe or in my room. dehydrated. confused. hurt. callous. numb. laughing in sleep deprived moments at things that aren’t funny at all.
i faintly remember when i was a happy kid. striving to be the best soccer player on the field.
people have left me abandoned and miserable. or so i like to blame them. the truth is… i alienate them… like a survival instinct… i can’t maintain personal relationships… safer to drive people away than risk the hurt…
welcome to my personal blackhole.
Paul Petrov's Blog 